As a quasi-joke, I often say that people who don’t love me tend to like me, while those few who claim to love me don’t seem to like me very much. Applying my own theory, I wonder whether some of my loved ones are simply obeying a habit. It is possible that watching a person grow up can create a habitual bond that could be mistaken for love.

How do we know that we truly love something or someone? How do we know that the comfort and joy we draw from company or activity is not a result of habitual satisfaction? 

The difficulty in discerning love from habit lies in the intrinsic relationship between the two. Specifically, when you love something or someone, you tend to give a lot of yourself to that activity or person. At some point, it may be natural for love to evaporate along with initial excitement, leaving behind just a simple habit.

To examine these human traits, one must not picture a linear scale with love at one end and habit at the other. Simply put, the two are not mutually exclusive. It is quite possible to love an activity that you are also in a habit of doing. So how can you test whether love is still alive? I argue that the answer is passion. Indeed, the presence of passion is the litmus test we seek. 

Obviously, when gauging your feelings towards a person or activity, no one can expect to uncover passion one hundred percent of the time. Let’s face it: at the end of a long workday, when the kids are finally in bed, and the house is reset for the next day, a person who finds energy for passion may end up in a psychiatric ward. However, if the highs that you experience hitting that golf shot, writing new code, racing a car, or laughing with your partner make you happy to be alive, then you have passion. You have love!